Guess who's back?

Ok, so I'm well aware that this was a much longer break from blogging than I ever intended.

There are things happening in my non-blog life that have drawn me away from the screen for a while and I'm ok with that. Life is to be lived, and not merely observed, so if a break is needed, so be it.

Me and My Great Aunt - she's doing awesome for early 90's!

Recently I have talked to a number of people in real life who actually read this blog (hello out there!) and they have noticed my absence. Which is nice of them really. So I thought maybe it was a good time to reward their persistent loyalty with an update of sorts.

I wrote out my Personal Mission Statement at the beginning of the year and once a month or so I look over it. I am still working on every aspect of the goals I set, at varying pace, but I am pleased that I have been able to help others more with meals and practical help than I have in past years. I think this is due to a number of organisational steps I will explore in a later post.

Quiet time with God: I am still using this system to work through scripture, prayer and reflection on God's grace. It's a good system and it does work well, when I stick to it. My goal this year was not to get frustrated when I missed days (or weeks) of quiet time, but to just get back into it the next day. I have been keeping a record using stickers in a diary, of when I have quiet times. January was definitely the best month. But I am starting to get back on track now.

Food: I am still trying to work out how to balance my *love* of food with my need to eat well and treat my PCOS body kindly. Sadly I have put on even more weight this year, mainly due to inactivity and anxiety. But some recent health scares in my extended family have made me reevaluate my priorities, and I am trying harder to get back on track with food.

Decluttering: I undertook some big declutter missions since my last post on the subject. Our bathroom, laundry and kitchen are all flowing well and I don't have piles of stuff with no place to put it. My wardrobe has had one of its twice-yearly clean outs, and I hosted a clothes swap with some friends to help repurpose some items of clothing - it was actually a lot of fun! I can put all my clothes away in seconds and I now really only have the clothes I actually wear regularly and really need. I have to thank The Minimalist Mom and Small Notebook for their inspiration here, as I am naturally a bit of a hoarder!

One thing I have abandoned is my 366 days photo project. I found that I constantly forgot to take a camera with me most days and remembering to take a photo was another thing all together. I'm proud that I managed to blog a month of photos. Maybe I'll do a December round and we can see how the year started and ended...

Awesome and I are walking well together. Well, we call God our 'bungee cord' in that he holds us together when we try to pull away in frustration! We have been praying together most nights, which is not quite a bible study together, but its a start for us! We have been trying to make an effort to have regular date nights, but as we are out a lot, some times its easier to stay home and just be around each other.

Overall, even though things have been a little nuts this year - and its not the year of stillness I was craving, it is still a year of being intentional in many ways, and I'm thanking God for that!

Getting Your Exercise Groove On .. When Your Head Says No...

So, how do I get the exercise happening if I can't make myself go to the gym...?

I love Zumba. Unfortunately I have as much trouble getting to Zumba as I have making myself go to the gym... the same anxieties creep in.

While I'm sorting that out, I have been keeping up with Zumba on my computer! Here are a few free Zumba clips that I love.

Shakira's Waka Waka - I love their energy and the song!

One of the original Zumba videos on the web

This one is just Fun!

My other passion at the moment is shadow boxing. I use move I have learnt in boxing class, and from my Billy Blanks Tae Bo DVD and pop on music and just make it up. After about 30 minutes I'm exhausted! If I push out to an hour I can get an awesome workout.

The final thing I am doing at the moment is a weekly run with a bunch of girls from my church. Knowing and trusting these awesome chickies makes it much easier to get of the house and get there - for some reason my anxieties really don't come to the fore when church people are involved - I have no idea why!

The important thing for me is to keep moving and trying to loose that weight :)

Handling Anxiety

The Olympic Venue where I did my first Triathlon

Sometimes I get anxious.

Pretty anxious.

Ok, very anxious.

I have stress related anxiety that pops up mostly when things get difficult. It can be pretty isolating. Having feelings of anxiety is different for different people. One of the things that helps me cope with anxiety is exercise. Only, there is one problem.

I get anxious about turning up for exercise.

I had a gym membership. I went 3-5 times a week and enjoyed it. Then I had a slight injury and didn't go for a couple of weeks. Weeks turned into months as I convinced myself that people at the gym would judge me for not showing up. Or maybe they have closed the gym. Or maybe they have changed the hours. Or moved the machines...

It's easier to just not go...

I paid that membership for 12 more months before I finally got up the courage to go and cancel it - and only then because I found someone to take it over. The feelings I experience aren't logical, or have easy answers. People at the gym might say "Hey, haven't seen you for a while" or they might say "Hey, its good to have you back." Or, if I'm really unlucky, they might say "Hey slacker!" I could check the website to see if they are still open (which they are...) and if the hours have changed (which they haven't), and if the machines have moved... I'll be ok! - the reality is - I can actually cope with all of these things... but I have already convinced myself that its too risky.

So I don't go.

I joined another fitness club (while still paying for the first!). This offered set class times with an online weekly timetable (no changing times to wiggle out of), and casual rates (so I wouldn't get stuck if I didn't stick in the contract).  It was an awesome and encouraging community who got me half way to my current weight loss goal.

But then stress at work started to take over, and after 6 very successful months, I started to have the same thoughts and feelings I have experienced in the past. Suddenly I stopped going 3-4 times a week and just went once. And then not at all.

Its been a month. My weight is creeping back up. My PCOS is getting worse, and above all, I have no physical outlet for my anxiety (after a class - I feel great for days and can handle my anxiety with more perspective and realism).

I'm putting this out there because I need to start getting honest about my life and the things that I find hard.

I'm going to post a couple of posts on the things that I am trying to do to handle my anxiety. I want to explore ways of exercise to help me build my confidence back up to go to a class. At the same time I will be seeing a counsellor to address the cognitive and emotional reasons behind my anxiety.

I'm hoping at the very least that blogging my experience will help me to work through it. Maybe I might help someone else in the process.