Guess who's back?

Ok, so I'm well aware that this was a much longer break from blogging than I ever intended.

There are things happening in my non-blog life that have drawn me away from the screen for a while and I'm ok with that. Life is to be lived, and not merely observed, so if a break is needed, so be it.

Me and My Great Aunt - she's doing awesome for early 90's!

Recently I have talked to a number of people in real life who actually read this blog (hello out there!) and they have noticed my absence. Which is nice of them really. So I thought maybe it was a good time to reward their persistent loyalty with an update of sorts.

I wrote out my Personal Mission Statement at the beginning of the year and once a month or so I look over it. I am still working on every aspect of the goals I set, at varying pace, but I am pleased that I have been able to help others more with meals and practical help than I have in past years. I think this is due to a number of organisational steps I will explore in a later post.

Quiet time with God: I am still using this system to work through scripture, prayer and reflection on God's grace. It's a good system and it does work well, when I stick to it. My goal this year was not to get frustrated when I missed days (or weeks) of quiet time, but to just get back into it the next day. I have been keeping a record using stickers in a diary, of when I have quiet times. January was definitely the best month. But I am starting to get back on track now.

Food: I am still trying to work out how to balance my *love* of food with my need to eat well and treat my PCOS body kindly. Sadly I have put on even more weight this year, mainly due to inactivity and anxiety. But some recent health scares in my extended family have made me reevaluate my priorities, and I am trying harder to get back on track with food.

Decluttering: I undertook some big declutter missions since my last post on the subject. Our bathroom, laundry and kitchen are all flowing well and I don't have piles of stuff with no place to put it. My wardrobe has had one of its twice-yearly clean outs, and I hosted a clothes swap with some friends to help repurpose some items of clothing - it was actually a lot of fun! I can put all my clothes away in seconds and I now really only have the clothes I actually wear regularly and really need. I have to thank The Minimalist Mom and Small Notebook for their inspiration here, as I am naturally a bit of a hoarder!

One thing I have abandoned is my 366 days photo project. I found that I constantly forgot to take a camera with me most days and remembering to take a photo was another thing all together. I'm proud that I managed to blog a month of photos. Maybe I'll do a December round and we can see how the year started and ended...

Awesome and I are walking well together. Well, we call God our 'bungee cord' in that he holds us together when we try to pull away in frustration! We have been praying together most nights, which is not quite a bible study together, but its a start for us! We have been trying to make an effort to have regular date nights, but as we are out a lot, some times its easier to stay home and just be around each other.

Overall, even though things have been a little nuts this year - and its not the year of stillness I was craving, it is still a year of being intentional in many ways, and I'm thanking God for that!

My Personal Mission Statement

The structure of the statement is based on this post by Lindsay at Passionate Homemaking, and from the material provided in Women of the Word, Fisherman Bible Study Guides "Becoming a Woman of Purpose", by Ruth Haley Barton. Thanks to these ladies for their wisdom.




My Mission Statement


1. To be a person of grace, committed to pursuing Jesus in every task, thought and word.
2. To be a wife of noble character, who serves her husband faithfully and well to affirm his leadership a partner with him in serving the Lord and others.
3. To manage a hospitable, peaceful home, and offer love and refreshment to the people who God brings in to our lives.
4. To live intentionally for God's Kingdom. To have clear, well-seasoned speech and prayer for others, to be influential in grace.
5. To be a worker of moral responsibility, set apart, a noticeable difference in my work and leadership.

My Goals and Disciplines

Relationship with God
Goal: Taking time each day to read God's Word, being faithful and consistent in prayer.
Discipline: Ensuring time every morning to read God's Word and to pray. Going to bed at a reasonable time each night to ensure this. Going to church and small group weekly.

Marriage
Goal: Time to talk and reflect on how our marriage is going. Reflect on my conduct as a wife and supporter and grow in knowledge of how best to serve Awesome.
Discipline: One-on-one time to talk with Awesome every day. Date nights together twice a month. Read 4 books each year on being a Godly wife.

Work
Goal: Gracious service of my staff and clients, going the extra mile, to be set apart in word and deed.
Discipline: Not engage in gossip, pray for work each work day, going the extra mile for each person, not swearing - letting my conversation be seasoned with salt.

Church and Community
Goal: To build intentional relationships with others, to be friendly and welcoming to others, to be faithful in prayer.
Disciplines: Seek out new comers. Take time to nurture relationships with others. To take prayer requests and offers seriously, write them down and follow through.

Physical Health and Well-being
Goal: To be well rested and physically able, to maintain a healthy weight and get adequate exercise.
Disciplines: Go to bed at a reasonable time, eat healthy and nourishing foods, exercise daily (15min+).


Home and Recreation
Goal: Well organised household, food and meals available to nourish our family, help others or feed visitors.
Disciplines: Menu plan where possible, manage finances to ensure extra giving is possible, have ingredients on hand to make food when needed.

Personal Development
Goal: Extend on my knowledge of God's love and the practicalities of being a Christian.
Disciplines: Read at least 10 Christian personal development books this year on a range of topics (eg. hospitality, prayer, being a Godly wife. Read at least 10 books on God's Word this year.


These are not a list of things I already do to show you what an awesome Christian I am and make you feel somehow inadequate if you don't tick all the boxes. This is a list of the things that I actually struggle with the most. Daily. This is what, in God's grace, I want to do about these things this year. And I will need to check in regularly to ensure that I have made these things a priority. Four years ago I wouldn't have thought it possible to do all these things at the same time, but God is slowly changing my heart to show me that it is possible when I intentionally rely on Him and make efforts towards change.

31 Days of Love- Day 2Loving Your Husband: The Reformed Feminist Way

Oh... This one is a pearler! (yes, I just used pearler in a sentence!).
You might want to read this post and this post from the Time-Warp Wife to understand my post fully.
There is a joke email/post that pops up from time to time. The Good Wife's Guide.  It's all about the 1950's housewife's pre-husband coming home routine. It's tongue in cheek. Its funny. It makes the girl-school raised, girl-power, you-can-do-anything-he-can-do feminist within me stand up and cheer.

No way am I putting on my best dress and make up every evening. I mean, hey, I worked all day too you know. And if you think I'm going to massage his feet - you've got another thing coming!

So reading today's challenge got me thinking about the 'balance of power' in our house. See, when we first got married, I wanted to be treated the exact way I was treating my husband. If I did something nice for him, like buying handsoap or folding some clothes, then I wanted him to do something nice for me.... like cook me a romantic 3 course dinner with candlelight and buy me flowers and a new bracelet.

I'm not actually kidding. Some of our worst fights early on were about me wanting some extravagant, lasting gestures of love for very little payoff (in his mind). "Darling, I made you a sandwich three days ago - I can't believe that you forgot to take out the garbage again and you left the toilet seat up a week ago - UNFORGIVABLE!"

The Time-Warp Wife's post does not appeal to Gen Y. We do not like the idea that as women, there can be something other than complete equalness to a marriage. We are taught that as women, our ideas and values have the same value and worth as men. I firmly believe that. In fact, I believe that this is biblical. So does the Time-Warp Wife. So what's the difference?

The Time-Warp Wife sees doing these things for her husband as an expression of her love for him, and as a practice of the biblical model of headship. See, even though in 21st cntuary Australia, I'm pulling in the big bucks, I bought the house, I've got the degree, God says that my husband is in charge. Yep. You read it. Even more than that, the Bible tells us that my husband is under God's authority. And when he is under God's authority, and I am under both God's authority and my husbands' - I have the larger burden to carry.

Ok, I know I'm going to get flamed here. There are plenty of books (including the Bible) that explain this entire concept better than I can. I'm just going to share my expereince.

When I gave up fighting against my husband (and boy did we fight!), and thought carefully and deliberately about meeting his needs before my own, something unexpected happened. My husband lifted me up, and started putting my needs before his. Suddenly we are both caring for each other and each having our needs met. What's more, we are actually enjoying each other's company.

This was not instant. It took months and it happened slowly. There were a lot of 'discussions', tears and prayers. I didn't even see the change happen myself - it happened so slowly. One day I was at a party with some friends and was talking to a bunch of girls about Awesome, and realised that the story I was telling was a nice one - not a payout. I'm sad to say it actually shocked me and I stopped mid-sentence. One of my firneds could see exactly what I was thinking and actually said, "Something has changed between the two of you. You can actually see it. Its great."    That blew me away. That others could see how much we were struggling to that point. That they could also see that we were changing.  Praise God, this is answered prayer!

I'm not going to go through all the things we did differently and the things I was challenged to change. There are other posts here that document that journey. I'm just going to encourage you, if you are struggling in your marriage, if you are a die-hard feminist who can't figure out why everything 'they' promised you is not working... then pray through Psalm 139:23-24:
Search me, O God, and know my heart! 

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting

Maybe it's not your husband who needs to start the change.

These moments...

These are the moments that make a marriage... 

Lemonade, pizza, snooker and bookshops.


What makes your love? 

Embrace the Camera 11th August 2011

Lunch Date in the Park :)

Embrace the camera - go to Emily's Blog for more :)

Power of A Praying Wife Challenge!

.

Yesterday I met up with two of the most amazing women in my life to just, ya know, hang.

We are going to take the opportunity to commit together to one month of solid, intentional prayer for our husbands and for each others' marriages.

Wanna join in a bit?

We are using Power of A Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartin, which I have kindly reviewed for you here.  Gets it. It is gooood.

If you are praying with us, leave a note in the comments. We'll encourage you as we go along. We start today with Chapter One: His Wife!

Join Up Below if you have a blog of your own! (I've never used this before so let me know if it doesn't work!).

Embrace the Camera 4th August 2011

Holiday beard and winter scarf. So. Much. Love :) 

Embrace the Camera 27th May

Dressed up for a Hollywood themed party. I love being silly with you Awesome :)

Go Here to see the other Embrace the Cameras for this week!

Opposites Attract: Separate Holidays

  

March is always one of the busiest months in my work. Things never slow down until April fades into May. I look forward to Easter break every year for a couple of days to relax and just be. 

I love to spend time with my family and friends. I'm a people person and a few days chatting, eating and hanging out is like a recharge for me, so I try to get away every Easter for a short break with friends or family. 

Enter Awesome.

Awesome's idea of a great long weekend is hanging at home getting some stuff completed and perhaps meeting up for a game with some mates. 

So for the last few Easters... we've had 'separate holidays'. It sounds a bit sinister. It sounds a bit like this: 

But it actually works. I get time to visit family and friends and to go fill up my days with chatting and visiting and Awesome gets peace and quiet and time to concentrate. 

Does it work for everyone? Probably not.

Is it a chance to get away and talk negatively about your husband and everything that bugs you? I used to think so, and coming back from a break like this led to feelings of resentment and fight-picking. But nowadays   I have adjusted my attitude to complaining and find that I miss Awesome and look forward to coming home and seeing him!

Will we always holiday like this?  No. We don't right now either. We are in a position of only being able to take short breaks at a time with our work, so we have most of these together in a year (2 weeks or so a year). We also each go away on a separate men's/women's conference each year, giving the other a few days at home. Other than those conferences and Easter, the rest of our holidays are spent together. We probably won't always do this, especially if we have children later on, but for now it works very well. 

For us, it is a chance to recharge in the ways that suit us best without one of us having to compromise - or both. Because we are polar opposites in everything, we compromise... all the time! That's ok, but it is nice to sometimes have time to do what works best for each of us, so that we can give each other a more balanced version of ourselves!

Opposites Attract: Practical Points for Living with Your Opposite

I think God has been getting me ready for a marriage to my opposite for a very long time. Years ago, I went on a Bible camp when I was in high school. My room leader was in her twenties and about to get married. We were asking her lots of questions about it all, what she was looking forward to, what she feared etc. I remember her whining loudly about the fact that she wasn't going to be able to cope with her husband-to-be's habit of squeezing the toothpaste, as she liked to roll the tube... 

After the 3rd time she told the story, I suggested that why didn't she just buy two tubes of toothpaste? 

She thought I was a genius... 

We actually share a tube of toothpaste. But we do buy seperate margarine/butter, sometimes eat slightly different meals and roll up our own socks becuase we like them done different ways. 

The thing I have found most useful in my marriage is to "resolve" issues.

At a pre-marriage course we attended they explained that there are 4 main "fight styles"; Win, Compromise, Pull Back and Give Way. 

Win - this is like a shark, you go after the win at any cost. On our course there were a pair of lawyers getting married - they both described themselves as 'win'! Long-term arguments there!!

Compromise - like a fox - this sounds good, you express your opposing values then find middle ground. Problem is that most of the time both people end up feeling hard-done-by. Long term, this could lead to resentment for both parties. Or if one person is 'win' and the other 'compromise' then you can see how this is going to go.

Pull Back - think of a turtle pulling their head in at the first sign of trouble! This person doesn't even express their feelings, just pulls back and lets whatever will be, be.  Never expressing your desires will leave you always feeling powerless and out of control.  

Give way - This person can express what they would like to happen, but the reality is that they end up just giving way to the other person, like a soft teddy bear, thinking they are being more loving by just letting go. 

After analysing ourselves, we discovered (well... it wasn't anything new really!) that Awesome is a Shark and I am a Turtle.  We tried living this out for about 12 months when we got married. 

Dis-as-ter. 

Shark would win, but feel bad that Turtle was so sad. Turtle would try to pretend that it didn't matter, but things would keep building and building and next time a small arguement started, World War 3 would break out, until Turtle pulled her head in again... on and on it went. And it wasn't good. 

Then we finally caught on to what the marriage counsellors at the course taught as the 'best practice' for a healthy marriage. 

The Owl. Resolve.

Instead of fighting over the details, resolve the problem completely. They told the example of a couple who wanted to paint their house. One wanted pastels, the other bright, bold colours. Instead of fighting about it, they hired an Interior Designer to create a colour scheme they could both live with. 

For us it looks like this, I need to eat fish 4 times a week for my health. Awesome hates fish. I eat 2-3 fish meals for lunch at work during the week, but occasionally need to get one or two in at home. Rather than forcing Awesome to eat fish just because I need to, and rather than never having fish for dinner because he doesn't like it, once or twice a week, I buy a nice piece of steak for him and a piece of fish for me, cut up some vegies and have 'separate dinners' (can you start to see a pattern here?!).

For my diet, I don't work well with biscuits or chocolate in the house as I just snack and snack. So I got rid of them. Except that that isn't really fair to Awesome who is an adult and can choose what he wants to eat. So he has a snack box of his own, and he can put whatever he wants in there. And I can't have any. It works. 

We have different methods/levels of cleaning in the house. We were getting grumpy that one of us would do some housework and the other would do nothing for a few days.  So we sat down and worked out our priorities. I love a clean bathroom - he loves a clean kitchen. So we split things up. I have found that we now keep 'each others' spaces a little tidier of our own stuff because we respect that when the other person does it for us.

Does it always work? No. 

Are there still arguments? Yes, but they are not as frequent and we recover better. They are not World War 3 either. 

Does it always have to be this way? Probably not. We occasionally swap jobs when we are a bit over it. Or we do the other person's job when we want to surprise them or show them some practical love. 

God created us different for a reason. There are sensational times to be had encouraging and spurring your 'opposite' on in life. Get the practical things right and out of the way, and you can start to focus on the things that you love to do together! 

So, what could you Resolve with your partner today? 

Opposites Attract

I am married to my opposite. 


He is a night owl, I am a morning person. 


He loves indoor activities and hates the beach. I love being near the water and being outside. 


He likes margarine. I like butter. 


Can it work?


We we got engaged, I wasn't sure it could work. Lots of people weren't. Lots of people told me that marrying your opposite was hard. It wasn't for the feint-hearted. [they were worried I was feint-hearted]. 


They were right. Sort of. 


It has been hard, its not for the feint-hearted. Turns out I'm not feint-hearted :) 


Over the next few days I want to explore some of the rubber-hits-the-road aspects of being married to your opposite. For the good and the bad, there are lessons to be learned!


As the father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding so eloquently puts it.  "You have apples, and you have oranges, but in the end, we are all fruits" 

Embrace the Camera 10th of March

Cheeky monkeys :)

Linked up for:

 

at theandersoncrew

Being Real in an Unreal World

Yesterday I came across a post here, that spoke really strongly to me of the need for Christians to be real, all the time. This is something I try to practice in my "real life", by giving honest answers and not avoiding the tough questions when it comes to how I am "really" going today. But in the "unreal" world of blogging, it is much easier not to be so transparent. There is a permanency to what we write that makes me hesitate, and sadly often refrain from being open about how things are going in my 'real' life. 


So what am I going to do about it? 


Well... writing this post is a first step. I want to be more open, more honest, on this blog. But at the same time, I need to protect my husband, marriage, family and friends (and even myself) from potential heartache. So I will not be sharing the intimate details of the lives of those people or myself.  What I can share, is the reflections I make on how those relationships and experiences have been used by God to change my heart. 


Perhaps by being more open, I will have to think less about what to post and post more regularly as a result... we'll see!!


Today's favourite posts: 


10 Fun Ways to Praise Your Husband
How to Make a Marriage Bed

Thanks for being my best friend Mr. Awesome. 

I love you :)

Catching Up on Life

Well we are nearing the end of the year and it has been too long between posts. Nov/Dec is always a tricky time for me work-wise, with many extra hours, as well as lots of training. Blogging became something difficult to focus on. 


Christmas Prep:  I am starting to move towards a Buy Nothing Christmas.  At the moment, my effort is token at best due to office Kris Kringles etc. But I am working on it. I will post about our Christmas gift giving this year later in the week, but food for thought - I would love to move towards this kind of Christmas...  
I am working through this free Jesse Tree devotional each day during advent. 


Fitness:  I have completed the 12 week program and have made a total loss of 4.5 kg from my heaviest weight. I still have a bit to go, and will be continuing to train 3-4 mornings a week.  I just need to go to bed earlier to compensate!!


Married Life:  Mr. Awesome and I are still enjoying the wonderful change that his current job affords us. We live just a two minute walk from his work and enjoy shorter hours, more time together and the financial benefit of only one car. We are looking forward to a little time off early in 2011 for our 2nd wedding anniversary. 


Church Life: Mr. Awesome and I have let a few other ministries go this year to focus on music ministry within our service. God has answered our prayers for more musicians and singers in the last few weeks and we are now able to step back a little in our time spent. Its a great thing! We are looking forward to what GOd plans for us next year. 

Today is week 1 of the Making Your Home a Haven Challenge


Here is the challenge from Courtney's blog: Go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home.  Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home


In Courtney's post, she speaks of the 'slow pace' we are to create in our home.  I nearly fell off my chair. Our home is far from slow-paced! 


Today is a public holiday in our city and rather than lounging round, I was up early (thanks to daylight savings!) and made a long list of things to be done today. I set about doing them, and when I had run out of tasks I could do on my own, I woke my husband and enlisted his help (and in reality I could have done those things by myself too!). THEN, after all that was done I sat down and too exhausted to finish the last two tasks, allowed my husband to finish them for me!  Hardly the restful, content woman I want to be for him! 


So I have lit my candle, and while he is out, I will try to finish a few more things so that when he comes home we can spend time together, and just rest! My prayer is to be a source of rest for my household, not the generator of stress!


Are you lighting a candle today? What will your prayer be?   

Reflecting on the Completing Him Challenge

If you are here often you will know I participated in Courtney's Completing Him Challenge over Winter (ok, it was summer in the northern hemisphere!). 


Each week Courtney set a range of challenges aimed at encouraging us to think about our husbands and plan for meeting their needs in a variety of ways. 


I really enjoyed the entire series. Being intentional about our marriage, creating time together and doing things just for him, were wonderful ways to strengthen my love for him and to show him how I feel!!


Some of the highlights for me were reflecting on our dating and wedding stories. It was wonderful to remember all the little details! 


Praying for him for a whole week, on things that he himself chose, was wonderful, and a real insight in to the things he considers important in our lives together. Likewise, asking him for his priorities for my time was a big eye opener for me!  I was equally blessed when he asked me for my priorities in return.  I definitely think that using this priority list has helped us to get along better and to avoid conflict. I would highly recommend it! 


Overall, our marriage has never been in a better place. Part of this I think was due to the challenge, but the majority has really come down to us trying to treat each other the way God intended.  In reality, we are selfish people. But taking the time to plan how we want our marriage to be has been a wonderful way to improve the overall quality of our time together. 


So what's next? 


I don't want things to get stale. So I am continuing to plan how to improve our marriage. The first step is prayer. Lots of prayer. I am taking all of September to work through Stormie's The Power of a Praying Wife again, as this book has really helped to enrich my prayer times and allowed me to focus on praying for my husband.
We are trying to plan ahead for regular date nights (something we have struggled to do for a long time).  As money for outings is not so available, we are working our way through this list. 




How do you plan to enrich your relationships and family life?

Completing Him Challenge Week 8

We are nearing the end of the Completing Him Challenge - and I have to say I am going to miss it! But having had these discussions and things to concentrate on has been great, so I am going to continue focussing on our marriage each week and blogging about it on Mondays!


This week: R-E-S-P-E-C-T! No complaining, criticizing, rolling your eyes, nagging, or giving him any friction this week. Enjoy a week of peace in your home!


Well... We will see how it goes - a review next Monday! 


In the meantime, will you take up this week's challenge with me? Drop me a line to let me know you are Respectin'!


 Women Living Well

Completing Him Challenge Week 7

I am really enjoying this series on Completing Him from Women Living Well. It has helped me to take intentional time each week to focus on the little things that help improve our marriage and has reminded me to spend more time focused on discovering what God wants for me as a wife and a woman!


Here's this week's challenge:Support his vision. Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. Share with us how you let your husband lead.


We had a quiet conversation about this during the week.  It surprised me how quickly and easily Awesome was able to articulate his vision for us. Some of the things that he mentioned included:


- Taking time each week to be intentional in hanging out together
- Save money so as to be able to pay off a large chunk of our mortgage when our fixed period is over
- Spend time now becoming healthy and waiting on God's plan for our family
- Use the jobs and time we have now to help us prepare for whatever God has next, be it Bible college, mission work, studying in our current fields or continuing in our current jobs


It's nice to know that even when I get busy or worried about what the future has in store for us, that God has chosen this man to lead me, who has such confidence that God will keep things together. 

July At Our Place

Here are some of the July Happenings from our place. 

White board messages from my guy :)

Awesome Ironing while we visited a friend in the country 

Visiting Western Plains Zoo

Little Friends at the Zoo

Baking

More Baking

Love

Happy half-year! Can you believe its has gone so fast?